Monday, August 15, 2011

15 Days

Fifteen more days until I send my baby off to kindergarten. Fifteen more days that I can keep him all to myself. Hold him whenever I want. Squeeze him whenever I want. And then we begin the slow release. Five and a half years have rushed past in the flutter of an eyelash, so I know these 15 days will be gone before I can take a breath. I'll walk him to school and wave good bye as he walks through the door. And then I have to turn and walk away. I've done school before. I've been a student. I've been a teacher. Now I enter the final frontier as--the parent. Eek!
When you are first expecting a baby they tell you it will be wonderful and scary and beautiful and ugly and amazing and terrifying and fun and awful. And you listen and nod. But they can't tell you just how much love is injected into your veins the second that slippery baby is flopped on your belly and you catch a fleeting glimpse of the Love of God towards His own. And you sit up at night nursing that tiny bit of silky soft sweetness watching him breathe and listening to him grunt and you stand at the edge of the ocean of comprehension. But you still don't get it. You hurt when he hurts. Your heart breaks at his failures and soars with his successes. You start to understand what your mother and father feel for you. You cry at weddings now--because someday--you finally realize--you will be the Mother or Father of the bride/groom and you'll have to let go.
Still you hold on to that tiny baby, that wobbly toddler, that confident pre-schooler. And then the day comes when you have to begin the apron string cutting process.
My Ezra could not be more excited for his first day of kindergarten. He's been counting down the days for the past year. I'm glad. But it won't make it any easier to watch him walk away. When you are expecting your first child they can tell you how much you'll love your baby. But they can't make you understand.

7 comments:

Glenda said...

Brooke I will add you to my prayers. I have to let my only daughter leave in 4 days, 5 hours away for 4 years of college! :( I feel your pain Sista, it all goes waaaay too fast!

NaomiG said...

Ah. Beautifully written, and SO very true. You wouldn't want it any other way though, even though it aches. That deep of a love is so very precious. :-) Glad he's excited! That will make it the tiniest bit easier. :-)

kdk said...

If you need company, I'm in your shoes for the first time this fall! R will start 4th grade at the Christian school up the road, and I'm a bit of a wreck and working to lean on the Lord.

Adkins Family said...

I still have another year before I have to go through this phase of life and I'm already sad thinking about it! Amelia is already excited to go, so I guess she and Ezra have something in common.

Healthy change. It's kinda constant, isn't it?

And college, Glenda, eeek!

Mike, Alice, and Hank the DOG said...

I would to be there when Erza gets home from his first day of school. I can only imagine the excitement in his eyes, the awesomeness that he will feel. Most interesting will be the telling in his words. It's going to be good!

pJ said...

Yahhhh. makes ya cry. Lettin' my girlie go on the ferry boat this summer ALL BY HERSELF even tho friends were ready & waitin on the other side was another sad / happy milestone for me. You will love it when he comes back full of stories to be teased out - it's only half days, hooray!

Megan Miller said...

Oh gracious! Having similar feelings myself, partly because I love having all the kids playing together all morning. What will Mia do?! The after school stories help with the sadness (or on occasion make you want to home school). He is going to have so much fun. One week in and it will feel like old hat. It's hard to not want time to stand still, isn't it.